For the Wanna-Be-Breeder
Often we get people writing to us talking about the joy of watching the miracle of birth of puppies. This is particularly disturbing to us, as try as we might, people refuse to believe that things can and do go wrong, and that in many cases, having children watching or involved in a bitch giving birth is not appropriate to either the child or the dam, and indeed can disturb the bitch, and cause ongoing trauma and nightmares to the child.
So, the best we can do is try to get the message across in this tongue in cheek account below which talks about the "joy of birth" video.
Announcing "THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH" Videotape
Intended for all those who want to breed little fluffy in order to let their children experience the "miracle" of birth, this real-time video tape set can either substitute for home breeding or guide you in making the most of your breeding decision.
Experience the joys of seeing a live puppy pop effortlessly from its mother's body and see her consume the bloody afterbirth! (Most children will squeal with delight when seeing this for the first time -- many will make a life-long commitment to celibacy then and there.)
Enjoy watching the frantic efforts of a breeder trying to resuscitate a stillborn puppy.
See the hilarious actions of a bitch who searches for the puppy she thinks she just dropped but which was quickly tossed into the wastebasket because it was only a blackened, half-developed fetus.
Reserve a full 36 hours to see the entire set of tapes in one sitting to really share the drama, boredom, and exhaustion of the breeder as she labors to help her struggling bitch in extended labor.
Watch as a breeder tries to recruit several helpers to carry her dying bitch to the car for transport to the nearest animal hospital in a futile attempt at saving the beloved family pet (Seeing the children crying and asking what is happening is half the fun!)
Follow the fun as a breeder and his wife alternate duties during a full week of 4-hour bottle feedings with a fading puppy while also trying to keep 13 others dry and healthy!
And, as an extra added attraction:
Laugh with us at the madcap antics of a typical shelter worker as she accepts new animals while keeping a straight face as Mom and dad assure little Kevin that the nice lady will take VERY GOOD care of 8-year floppy. Enjoy the thrills as she later shoves unwanted puppies and adult dogs into a gas chamber as she chokes back tears and goes home to try and explain to her children just what she does at work!
And, for a limited time only, we will include free of charge the video tape of a recent arrest made by the local animal control officer who discovered that someone had falsely declared his male dogs neutered (to save on license fees) and then discovered he was planning to do the job himself at home!
The second half of the same bonus tape shows the chagrin of a backyard breeder who was tracked down from her telephone number which was all she ever gave out. This wonderful person would arrange to meet people at local shopping malls where she handed over her 4-5 week-old puppies for $120 each! We were all amazed to find that those 20 puppies she was selling each year all came from the same single bitch and dog.
Yes, if you, or a friend, are considering breeding Fluffy to show children the "miracle" of birth, be sure to get this video and show them the miracle of death at the same time!
We have high hopes for this video, following as it does on the tremendous success of our first effort: "Do it yourself home vasectomy, featuring George "squeaky" Baker," and its sequel, "do it yourself home explosives mixing, by Bob "lefty" Anderson."
Special to the first five purchasers, one frozen stillborn puppy -- just wait until you take it home and see how the kids' eyes light up as the pup thaws!!
Copyright 1996, John A. McCormick, President and CEO, Nocturnal Aviation Videos. Reproduction and distribution of this advertisement in its entirety strongly encouraged.
Phone, e-mail, or postal orders NOT accepted, this tape is sold ONLY in person because I REALLY want to meet you.